Thursday, September 30, 2004

Earnest Borgnine On My Mind

Is Ernest Borgnine broke? Or maybe he’s just craving the spotlight again. Perhaps I have it all wrong and he’s actually a do-gooder out to help people get rich. All through a machine that rents movies. Or an ATM. Or something like that. I’m not sure what his particular schpiel is for, but I know there are lots of cheesy graphics and flashing lights. And old Ernest certainly looks earnest.

But it isn’t his fault. He’s only acting. And his is only one of a slew of these ads out lately. They all use those same 1970’s graphics and show ridiculous video clips of fat old men with men with young blondes and say things like -- “Here’s the opportunity of a lifetime. All you have to do is put our video machines/atm’s/random machine selling whatever into stores near you and you’ll be raking in the bucks. And you’ll have this hot blonde. And you can wear a cravat and smoking jacket and thoughtfully stroke your pointy beard as you watch the money pouring in.” (Have you seen this one? It cracks me up).

And while I’m on the subject, can someone make some sort of device that will stop Dr. Greg Seedamore from ever appearing on my TV again? I’m sure some are happy to hear that obesity is not their fault and that being fat has nothing to do with exercise and eating right – Just take this pill and you’ll be stick-thin and you can be the smiling blonde in the video machine ads.

Just turn off your TV, you’re probably shouting. It’s true. I should. But, hey, what’s a new mom to do during the long hours of feeding baby and playing with baby and changing baby? When all adult interaction is gone, I must turn to my old friend Mr. TV. Maybe someone should come up with a machine that dispenses adult conversation. I’d buy it.

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